urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:alexattax Alexander The Great Alexander The Great 2006-09-20T07:17:02Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:alexattax:2363 2006-09-20T07:17:02Z 2006-09-20T07:17:02Z Ha, so, maybe not quite as deleted. Umm. Wow, that was weird. <br /><br />But hey, you know, the city is like that, right? And anyways, City Lights is one of the coolest places you'll ever see, if you ever get a chance to see it. So... much... poetry... I nearly overloaded. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:alexattax:2243 2006-07-14T09:08:38Z 2006-07-14T09:08:38Z That is IT. I cannot take it anymore. Fuck livejournal, fuck people who read it and then expect me to fucking psychically know that they read it, fuck people who then hold my own goddamn journal against me...<br /><br />...And fuck people who can guess my fucking password in three tries, by the by. <br /><br />I am officially quitting the internet, in the interest of going out and rebuilding my fucking life. Thank you and goodnight. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:alexattax:1852 2006-06-29T08:51:55Z 2006-06-29T08:51:55Z WHY IS MY EMAIL BROKEN? <br /><br /><br />WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME? <br /><br /><br />DARN IT ALL! <br /><br /><br />*breathe* <br /><br /><br />Well. Ick. <br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br />Natasha was the coolest best friend you can imagine having. She was gorgeous, witty, loyal to a fault... She was the kind of girl who'd dye her hair a different crazy color every single weekend (in my bathroom, no less) and always look fabulous. She wore short skirts and spiked combat boots and red lipstick, and was tall and thin and with pale flawless skin. Boys couldn't help but gawk-- There's just something <i>loud</i> about her, like everything in her existance is screaming for attention, and you can't help but give it to her. And she was <i>always</i> the center of attention, just like she liked it. She told funny stories that always seemed to end in something hilariously ironic, and she talked back to teachers, and she stood up for me when I told her not to, and she was the only one who could ever really convince me to do something stupid. Her logic was always so hard to fight. She had the simplest, most obvious argument ever, and it was just impossible to resist. She was relentless. She was headstrong and amazing. <br /><br />All of this in past tense, because I haven't seen her since she went to juvie. Erin has visited her a couple times and reported back through long, accusing emails to me, but I haven't the guts to reply to those emails, nevermind visit Natasha. I mean... Erin and them are right, I <i>could</i> have taken the blame. It was in my backpack... it would have been really easy to back their story up, to just nod and cry a little and say it was mine. But I <i>couldn't</i>, and none of them really understand this. It just wasn't right, it wasn't okay what we did or what they were asking me to do. I won't lie, it's not right. <br /><br />I've written a bunch of letters to Natasha, trying to explain all that. We met in the fourth grade, you know. She punched the bullies who took my lunch money in fifth grade, and she punched the girls who made fun of my braces in sixth grade, and she once punched a teacher in the kneecap in seventh grade for making me cry 'cause I failed a math test. In eighth grade, she offered to punch the boy who turned me down when I asked him to the school dance, and in freshman year, she offered to punch the girl who turned me down for the same request (I said no, obviously). Last year, Natasha didn't punch anyone for me, but she did steal and lie and all sorts of nasty things for me, and I still can't stand the thought that it really was <i>all for me</i>. Natasha's the best friend I ever had, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to look her in the eye again, because of what she did, and why she did it. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:alexattax:1308 2006-06-29T05:04:40Z 2006-09-20T07:11:37Z Aaaugh, I have been ignoring this journal as best I could. I keep getting paranoid that they'll find me, which has to be just about the DUMBEST THING EVER but what can you do? If they find it, they'll harrass me just like they've been doing in real life this whole time. Thank <i>goodness</i> school is over, so it's so much easier to avoid them. <br /><br />Sorry to everyone who has NO IDEA what this is about. But I think I'm going to keep it that way, at least until Andi and Jess go away to corrupt Girl Scouts at Girl Scout Camp (and can you <i>believe</i> they let those bitches be camp counselors? What kind of role models will they make?!) and safely away from internet access. Can't do much about Erin, Nate (bless his soul), or Adam, but whatever. I'll deal. Thank god Natasha's finally behind bars, though. That girl was a menace to society, I swear. I'll show you the scars sometime if you don't believe me. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:alexattax:1052 2006-06-13T22:31:42Z 2006-06-13T22:31:42Z Jess, Andi, and Erin cornered me today at lunch. I never spoke a word to them, and I managed to get away... I thought they were actually going to hurt me. I can't deal with this. I miss them so much, and they're scaring me...<br /><br />But I did get the phone number of this nice girl in math, Morgan. She's really quiet and really smart, and she said we could study for the final (on Thursday omg) together. <br /><br />I can't wait for school to be over so I don't have to see them every day. Then I'll only have to deal with Nate, because he lives a block away, and Erin, because she's going to work at the bookstore, too. (We arranged that before this whole mess, and I need the money too much to turn it down over this...) It'll be an interesting summer. <br /><br /><br />But in the meantime, I think I'll go <strike>shag Hermione</strike> roleplay. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:alexattax:983 2006-06-12T21:54:36Z 2006-06-12T21:54:36Z I made a layout! And it has Allen Ginsberg's face and words all over it! Which is so awesome! See icon! And it's all matchy! <br /><br />Omg. Am way too into this. I am also contemplating making a FO banner with that picture of Ginsberg, Kerouac, and Cassady all chilling, because omgwouldn'tthatbeawesome? <br /><br />Haha, spacebar. <br /><br /><br />But. Um. <i>Anyways</i>. <br /><br />I saw Nate today, and he gave me this look, like... like "How could you?" And I nearly cried. I miss him so much. But I know I did the right thing. I just wish it didn't hurt so much. <br /><br />I hate this. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:alexattax:673 2006-06-12T07:53:43Z 2006-09-20T07:10:09Z ...Yeah, I need new friends. Just a month ago, my friends (in real life and on lj) got me into some stuff that was slightly sub-legal, and I didn't reallyt stnad up to them or have the courage to back out until it was WAY too late. And now none of them are speaking to me, and I don't really want to speak to them. But it's really lonely, suddenly having lost nearly everyone that was important to me (I've known these people since fourth grade and earlier), so I really, REALLY need to meet new people. <br /><br /><br />And I just realised that I am typing this at ONE IN THE MORNING so that's all for now. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:alexattax:281 2006-06-12T07:32:48Z 2006-06-12T07:32:48Z AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH new journal. <br /><br />&gt;.&gt;<br /><br />&lt;.&lt;<br /><br />Yeah. I needed a fresh start. Um. And now I need fresh friends. <br /><br /><br />GOD I AM LAME. PLEASE STRIKE ME DOWN NOW, AND SPARE HUMANITY MY LAMENESS. Or possibly I'll just go find new friends. You know, the kind who <b>don't</b> get me arrested for hanging out with them. <br /><br /><br />And now I need a layout. <br /><br />...God. <br /><br /><br />I am SO. LAME.